Keep Your Head on the Swivel, Sis

Life has been my greatest teacher, and every experience—good or bad—shaped me into the woman I am today. There were lessons I had to learn on my own, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Now, I’m sharing them with you. Honest, heartfelt, and hopefully, exactly what you need to hear.

Here are 10 things I wish someone had told me sooner:

1.  Don’t Be Nice, Be Kind

This one took me years to learn. As a Southern girl, I was raised to be “nice”— agreeable, accommodating, and polite to a fault. But niceness without boundaries is naivety; it’s too close to people pleasing for me. People will take advantage of the “nice girl.” Instead, focus on being kind, compassionate, and firm. Kindness respects your boundaries; niceness sacrifices them. Learn the difference and act accordingly.

2. Be Loyal Only to Your Intuition

Your intuition is your superpower—trust it. It’s like God whispering directly to your soul. If something feels off, it probably is. That uneasy feeling when someone makes a shady comment or when the energy in the room shifts? Or maybe it’s just a feeling? That’s your intuition trying to protect you—don’t dismiss it. In my 20s, I ignored it far too often. People will gaslight you, label you as “too sensitive,” or accuse you of overreacting, but you’re not crazy. Your intuition is sacred—honor it.

3. Master Your Money

Okay, ladies—let’s talk $$$. Yes, those new Manolos are so cute, but can you really afford them right now? Your financial freedom is everything, and it’s important to take it seriously. Start with setting simple, realistic goals—knowing exactly what you’re working toward will help you stay focused. Build your savings with intention, and always have an emergency fund. And building and keeping good credit? It's a non-negotiable. It’s not just about buying stuff; it’s about unlocking bigger opportunities and having leverage. Don’t wait until you’re “ready”—start investing now, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. You don’t have to be a financial expert, but you do have to make your money work for you. Whether you’re at the start of your career or already thriving, keep evolving, keep investing in yourself, and remember: financial freedom is the ultimate flex.

4. Be Wary of the Neutral Friend

Not everyone who smiles at you has your back. A “neutral” friend—the one who plays both sides, claiming to stay out of drama—can be more dangerous than an outright enemy. Neutrality is a choice, and when someone chooses to stay neutral in situations where you’re being disrespected or mistreated, they’ve made their stance clear: it’s not with you. True friends take a stand, especially when it matters most. Pay attention to their actions, not just their words.

5. Never Stop Exercising

Your physical health is essential—it's not about fitting into a specific size or looking a certain way. It's about honoring your body, staying strong, and feeling good in your own skin. Exercise isn’t just a trend—it’s a form of self-care that empowers you. Keep moving, stay active, and embrace your body's strength. 6. Date the Geek

We’ve all heard the term “opposites attract,” but sometimes, it’s the quiet, thoughtful ones who are truly worth your time. Don’t shy away from someone who might not fit society’s “bad boy” mold. The “geek” is often the one with depth, passion, and an incredible work ethic—someone who values substance over status. Stop judging based on surface-level things and give yourself the chance to connect on a deeper level. True connection starts when you look beyond the exterior and see the real person underneath. Sometimes, the best relationships blossom from the most unexpected places.

7. Avoid Cliques as You Mature

Sisterhood and community are beautiful and very important to me, but cliques? They can hold you back. Cliques often come with emotional enmeshment, groupthink, and unhealthy interdependence. It’s easy to lose your sense of self when you’re too wrapped up in the collective. As we mature, I believe that women need energetic independence to truly grow and evolve. Stand confidently on your own and embrace the power of your individuality. You don’t have to be part of a group to find your tribe—the right people will align with you when the time is right.

8. Control Your Emotions

Your emotions are always valid, but they don’t have to control you. In moments of stress, frustration, or anger, take a pause before reacting. Responding is different from reacting—one is deliberate and thoughtful, the other is instinctual and often driven by emotion. When you react without thinking, you risk creating consequences that may not align with your values or intentions. Practice recognizing what you're feeling, but don’t let it drive your decisions. Emotional intelligence is about knowing when to express your feelings and when to sit with them quietly. Take deep breaths, give yourself space, and allow your emotions to settle before taking action. By mastering your emotions, you give yourself the power to handle life's challenges with clarity and grace. Your peace of mind is priceless—don’t let fleeting feelings take it away.

9. Create a Barrier to Entry

Not everyone deserves access to you. Your energy is valuable, and it’s perfectly okay to have standards for who gets close to you. Just like an exclusive club has entry requirements, so should your life. Let people earn your trust and access. If someone questions why you’re “guarded,” let them wonder. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish; it’s essential. This lesson was a game-changer for me.

10. Stop Waiting for the 'Right Time'

The "right time" to change may never come. Don’t wait for the stars to align. If you’re waiting for external conditions to be perfect before making a move, you could be waiting forever. Take action now, even if it’s messy or imperfect. The right time is whenever you decide to start. The time is NOW. Do it anyway!

11. Bonus Tip: Learn to Be Your Own Best Friend*

True self-mastery means being comfortable walking alone until the right people align with your path. When I was younger, I often settled for friendships and relationships just to feel included, giving people titles like “friends” or “lovers” who didn’t genuinely align with me. But deep down, my soul always felt incomplete, as if something was missing. The moment I chose to honor my values and walk to the beat of my own drum, everything changed. Doors opened, peace followed, and life started aligning in ways I never imagined. Embracing your authenticity might feel lonely at first, but trust me—life gets so much better when you’re true to yourself. The right people will find you when you stand firm in your worth

These lessons come from my own experiences, and I know they might not resonate with everyone. But if even one of them speaks to you, I hope you feel seen. Life will test you, but you are more than capable of moving through it with grace, wisdom, and resilience.

Now, I want to hear from you. What lessons have shaped you? Drop them in the comments—I’d love to hear your stories and keep the conversation going.

-AB 💕